There is a fact without questioning that both my parents love me equally, but why then after 19 years passed, I tend to feel my close to my mother rather than my father. I think there are three categories that lead to this difference. The points I want to talk about here are their role in giving birth, parenting style and breadwinning.
There is a big difference between the role of male and female in the process of bearing and giving birth. The image is very clear that woman is lying on the hospital bed with her face twisted and frowned and trying to give birth while man standing besides the beloved one, giving them strength. We all know this image very well but there may be one thing that we are not aware is that the children’s connection toward mother and father becomes different at this moment. My mother always says that this process of giving birth and also almost ten months of carrying a baby really make a difference, make our relationship more close than with my father’s.
Whenever it comes to parenting style, we always have one single stereotype, almost like an instinct popping out in our mind, which is fathers are harsh on children, playing the role as villains; mother tends to be considerate and warm, playing the role as angels. The same situation happens in my family. But what causes to this phenomenon I think is more related to my parents’ personalities than influenced by this prejudice popular throughout the world. My mother is a warm and temperate person so she uses encouragement to replace punishment. She seldom gets angry; therefore, she is more easily to get close to and remind me that she will be there whenever I need her. On the contrast, my father’s personality influenced by his career as a soldier is more grim and cold. He is very strict on our behaviors and manners, asking us to behave well in public and at home. He really cares about our manners. Due to his strict father image imprinted in my mind since childhood, our relationship thus appeared to be distant. Although their different way of parenting, one thing for sure is that their care and love for me is alike.
For almost six years from my childhood, my father wasn’t there with me because of his work. His company dispatched him to Russia and China during that period. Though I didn’t really remember those times very clearly, this impact seems to take effect secretly. There were a bunch of pictures taken in my childhood without my father being there, so whenever I watch those pictures, the distance between my father and me seems to be further apart. However, my mother then was a housewife until I went into junior high school, thus she was able to spend most of her time with me. She was by my side at the most important growing period of my life, which makes a huge difference and let my relationship become more intimate than with my father.
Those factors are all working their roles in affecting my relationship with my parents with my awareness or not. From my experience, even certain tiny part that people usually don’t put on their mind; their influence is still crucial and unexpected. So next time when a couple gain a baby, they should really think more carefully about how to raise a kid; therefore, there will not be jealous mother or father. The last but not least, even though I tend to feel more close with my mother, my love for my parents is actually the same.
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